Digression #23: Bonus Features

I’m getting ready to buy a new laptop in the not-too-distant future. My current laptop is still working, but in laptop years it’s kind of a geezer, especially considering how much I’ve used it and continue using it, and I want to be prepared. So in order to save myself the deep anxiety and withdrawal that would come with there being much of a gap between this computer dying and getting a new one, I’ve been looking into what my next computer might be. (If there was a gap how, how, would I produce insightful and groundbreaking content such as this?)

As I think about what kind of laptop I might get, I’ve come up with a list of, perhaps unconventional, features that would really be a selling point.

A built-in espresso machine (that somehow doesn’t make the laptop any larger or heavier)
How much more productive would I be if I didn’t even have to get up for refills of the life-giving elixir of my dreams? The answer: at least 100%.

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An actually helpful Clippy-esque character who says nice things right when I need them
I’m picturing a cute little cartoon dog that doesn’t spew platitudes at random, but rather, senses the moment that I start to feel most discouraged and offers a specific, sincere affirmation. “Hey, I know things are rough in this scene, but remember that sentence you wrote a page and a half ago?  It. works.”

tumblr_m3h3vpf1pc1rseij1o2_500

 

A little airbag compartment
But what’s inside is a tiny pillow that pops out when I need a minute to rest or to hit my head against something. PleasantConfusedCero-size_restricted

 

A dog treat dispenser
Because when my dog looks at me like this, how can I not?
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A forcefield
It would pop up whenever I put my headphones in and would gently but firmly bounce away anyone who tried to approach me.

You+have+you

 

 

As you can see, I’m just looking for the basics. You should see my list of nice-to-haves.

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