Digression #23: Bonus Features

I’m getting ready to buy a new laptop in the not-too-distant future. My current laptop is still working, but in laptop years it’s kind of a geezer, especially considering how much I’ve used it and continue using it, and I want to be prepared. So in order to save myself the deep anxiety and withdrawal that would come with there being much of a gap between this computer dying and getting a new one, I’ve been looking into what my next computer might be. (If there was a gap how, how, would I produce insightful and groundbreaking content such as this?)

As I think about what kind of laptop I might get, I’ve come up with a list of, perhaps unconventional, features that would really be a selling point.

A built-in espresso machine (that somehow doesn’t make the laptop any larger or heavier)
How much more productive would I be if I didn’t even have to get up for refills of the life-giving elixir of my dreams? The answer: at least 100%.



An actually helpful Clippy-esque character who says nice things right when I need them
I’m picturing a cute little cartoon dog that doesn’t spew platitudes at random, but rather, senses the moment that I start to feel most discouraged and offers a specific, sincere affirmation. “Hey, I know things are rough in this scene, but remember that sentence you wrote a page and a half ago?  It. works.”



A little airbag compartment
But what’s inside is a tiny pillow that pops out when I need a minute to rest or to hit my head against something. PleasantConfusedCero-size_restricted


A dog treat dispenser
Because when my dog looks at me like this, how can I not?

A forcefield
It would pop up whenever I put my headphones in and would gently but firmly bounce away anyone who tried to approach me.




As you can see, I’m just looking for the basics. You should see my list of nice-to-haves.


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